Have I ever told you...

...about my friend, Sherlock? I found him this morning in a sad state -- hanging from a bungee cord on the the bathroom door, his statement of guilt neatly written on an orange Post-It note as a warning for all others of his kind who dare to get out of line. I find it hard to believe he was tried by a jury of his peers. I assume a lynching took place within the walls of my peaceful home under the cloak of darkness.

Really? I've never mentioned him? Good grief! Then I must...

Sherlock is my beloved space heater -- his people are the Holmes of Aisle 12 at Bed, Bath & Beyond. I received him as a gift from a friend and we've been inseparable ever since (Sherlock and I, that is). He is gray and black, stands about a foot tall, and contently makes my linen closet his humble abode. We are rarely apart in the winter, often traveling together from bathroom to basement and all points in between. Much to the chagrin of my husband. Who is jealous of Sherlock. Terribly so!

I won't go into great detail, but if you're ever over to the house and can't find me, head on up to the bathroom. I give you my permission. Nine times out of ten you'll find me perched on a folded up bath towel sitting in front of Sherlock reading a good book. The tenth time, well...maybe you should knock first, just to be safe. *GRIN* Dan frequently complains about the sauna-like interior of our bathroom, but to me, it's a beautiful thing! He also looks at Sherlock in a decidedly unfriendly way. I should have been more discerning of that look...

Last night when readying myself for bed I happened to glance over toward the window. *GASP* There was my beloved Sherlock sitting next to the toilet wearing an upside-down trash can! The toilet?! A trash can?! Oh that Dan. He'd already gone to bed so I decided I'd show him good. I took a pair of his boxers and a GB Packers ball cap and put them on Sherlock. Then I set Sherlock on the toilet, lid down of course, and giggled to myself as I climbed into bed. The only problem I could foresee was if Dan discovered Sherlock in the middle of the night. That could be scarring, for Sherlock most assuredly! Grinning to myself I fell asleep with visions of my outraged husband discovering a space heater sitting on the toilet wearing his boxers. Hehehehehe.... I had thought about adding socks and Dan's shoes, but was too tired to carry out my plan so thoroughly.

When I woke up this morning and headed toward the bathroom there was poor Sherlock, strung up like a common criminal. During the night he had been discovered and apparently taken to trial while I was sleeping. I kid you not ---- my husband sentenced a space heater to death by hanging and bungee corded it to the bathroom door. The charges: impersonating a human being, usurping a husband's position, and stealing private property.

I wish I would've taken a picture---it was priceless!

Don't worry. I am trained in CPR. Sherlock is very much among the living, no thanks to my husband's dark efforts to rid the world of one of its bright, shining stars. I called Dan to inform him that Sherlock was pressing charges -- for defamation of character. He is most certainly NOT an appliance...

Shame on you, Dan!