Snow day....

....ha, I wish. :o) No, no snow day, but it IS snowing today and it's quite pretty if you ask me. We haven't had a good snow like this in awhile --- it's the fluffy, pretty, floaty kind. Not the heavy, wet, hard-packed variety. I like both, but the latter seems to turn to nasty slush quicker than the former. I'm going out tonight to test out my brand new SNOWSHOES!!! I've been waiting since Christmas to have a really good snow. I bought Dan some for his "big" Christmas gift and then decided that he shouldn't have to snowshoe alone, so I bought myself a pair too. We're going up this weekend with Amy to snowmobile -- it's my belated birthday present from her. I thought I'd bring along my snowshoes and my cross-country skis. That way, when it's not my turn to drive/ride the snowmobile, I can be doing something else outside. 'Course, it's only supposed to be a high of 8 on Saturday so I might very well cozy up with a good INSIDE when it's not my turn. :o)

My dad is in the hospital again -- he was admitted Wednesday for surgery on his foot. They had to remove all the metal pins and plates because the infection in the metal wouldn't go away and wouldn't allow the foot to close up and heal. Dr. Jones told us that Dad's bone had healed enough that he won't have to go back in and put replacement metal in. I was really excited to hear that and felt like heaving a HUGE *sigh* of relief. I talked with Dad last night and it's kind of hard -- on one hand, we get good news. On the other, we have to look at the reality of the situation. My dad will never walk like a normal person; he won't be able to carry heavy loads (like bags of dog food or salt for the water softener, and then I got to thinking -- maybe he won't even be able to carry his grandkids), hike on uneven ground (which nixes trips out West with my mom and running our dogs in the field); he won't be able to climb up ladders (so maybe he can't do work projects with CBM anymore and construction help around the house); and he'll always face the danger of falling and breaking something that they won't be able to fix. His bones will never be strong enough to sustain the impact of jumping off his tractor or out of the bed of a truck. His trigger finger and "good" knee already have arthritis setting in. He's in pretty bad shape and he hasn't even begun therapy or rehab to walk. We're still waiting on the bones to heal up!

All of this got to me last night --- it was pretty depressing. Thinking about all that Dad won't be able to do. But he said it himself: God will fill up his life with other things. The things that today seem so monumental, so important, so incredibly frustrating that they just can't be ---- these things God can replace! I don't know how or with what, but I believe that God left my Dad here for a reason. It might not be in God's plan for me to ever know the details of why, but I trust in my gracious and loving Father and I know He loves my Dad far more than I ever could. He desires for Dad and me and my mum and my brothers, Dan, all of us to become more like Christ through this. I can't fully tell you how frustrating it is to watch all this and not be able to fix it. I can't tell you how many I've times cried and cried out in pain because of what God has allowed into my life. And yet God doesn't do things just to do them -- He had a "good and perfect will" and He is working it out in my life. There are days when I am so thankful that the book of Psalms is included in the Bible. When I read David's heart cries -- "How long, O Lord, will you hide your face from me?" -- and see how he ultimately comes full circle, praising God and recognizing Him for Who He is, I am grately encouraged in heart. The one place where I can safely say exactly what my heart is feeling is in the presence of God. And I enter into that presence by the sheer grace of Him -- because my sins have been forgiven and I have been made alive in Christ, I can go boldly into the very presence of my God and pour everything out. The wonder in all of that? It's that He already knows and He has grace to help in my times of need--abundant grace, beyond anything I could ever imagine!